Im Five! Its my birthday. Mummy, can I have a sex-change?
(The voice of Jean) Well
I dont know
Ive heard that you can change from a man to a lady, but I dont think you can do it the other way around.
For my eleventh birthday, I had a party. My grandmother made me three cakestwo with whipped cream and almonds, and a chocolate cake as well. I ate a lot around this time. My breasts had started growing. I cant run around without a top at the seaside anymoreand Fred, at the corner storehes stopped calling me Sonny. I have no control over whats happening to my body, and not only that, but because Im looking more like a girl, people are treating me differently and it makes me really uncomfortable. I told this to a friend of my mums and you know what she said? A lot of girls feel anxious when their bodies start to change and in time youll learn to love being female. She wasnt wrong.
At twelve my family emigrated here and it was a perfect opportunity for me to become a whole new person. And I didnt have to wear school uniform. I could wear pants. I had my first crush. Well crushesthey were twins. Eventually it was just Diane. Wherever she was, thats where I wanted to be
so I tried to fit in and be popular, but I didnt have a clue about being a girl.
Its like being from another planet
people think Im from here because the package looks right, but really Im scrambling to learn the language for fear they'll find out Im an impostor. My hair is down to my shoulders. Sometimes I have it in pigtails. Diane has her hair in pigtails, and she looks nice. She wears pastel blouses and so do I. Im a two-way mirror. I can look out but no one can see in. And people say to me Youre such a nice girl!
At nineteen I came out as a lesbian. This is it! This must be why Ive felt this way. Maybe I dont feel like Im a guy. Maybe its because I want to love women. Its 1977, my hair is cut short, and Im wearing a plaid shirt, vest and jeans. I like my womans body and I even dont mind my breasts that much I explored every corner of that world for fifteen years. And that was enough. See, when I was really young, being a guy wasn't so I could be with girls. As far back as I remember my fantasies were about having sex with other guys. And now that I am one, thats what I want.